Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
