Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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