dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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