I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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