are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my sisters under your porch take her home
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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