I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
