You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
