A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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