Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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