I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
