so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
