i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
