The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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