I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
