I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
