Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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