I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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