I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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