my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
