Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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