he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
