I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
