I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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