my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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