So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Success! We fucked roommates!
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