Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
