I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
