I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
