Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
love makes seman taste better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
