Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
