youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
