I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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