Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's shark week go big or go home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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