The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
