I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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