Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As shirtless as possible
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
