this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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