Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
