i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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