I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize
