Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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