p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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