Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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