So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
