closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
