I think I won the penis lottery.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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