My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
bring money and cleavage
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
