trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
