I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
