I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
