I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
